Solid gold Exit seating

he wants to travel
in a solid gold jetliner
everytime he is in the duty free
he's looking for helmets parachutes and crash gear
he's chatting up the people next to him.
he's wondering how the thing stays up
under such tremendous pressure.
he sits. straps in. he prays for pilotless flight.

and then.
every two months
he looks at the warning on the door next to him.

if you are seated by an emergency exit
and do not feel you are equipped to perform
the exit row duties; please let a flight attendant know.